


An Angel's Secret, and Dismay

by orphan_account



Series: His Last List of Hope [6]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Deja Vu, Epilepsy, Hospitalization, I wrote this in exam week lol, I'm Sorry, Illness, M/M, Reliable Huening Kai, Sad Choi Yeonjun, Sad Kang Taehyun, Sick Choi Beomgyu, Taehyun is reminiscing, Worried Choi Soobin, angsty, i should be studying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Taehyun hated being so naive, and he hate finding out Beomgyu's secret.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Series: His Last List of Hope [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040838
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	An Angel's Secret, and Dismay

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, this story is actually inspired by an anime, if you can see the similarities, congrats! It's not heavily inspired thou! Just the illness. If the story is happening too fast (since I update everyday), this was only meant to be a one-shot, but I decided to make it chaptered. I might consider putting it in one story (since it's separated here in series, I apologize thou but It makes me see the word count clearly!) This is pretty long! I'm an angst writer, that's why :'D Thank you for all the comments in my series! I appreciate it a lot! TT
> 
> Edit: Why is the categories F/M...? -.-
> 
> Edit 2: A little wrong info, fixed it!

* * *

A familiar scent, white walls that are very known, a memory engraved inside his heart, the feeling of uneasiness was there. The same old rush of fear, at every breath he takes, anxiousness slowly builds up. How can déjà vu hit so _hard?_ Why does it have to be in the same hospital? He wanted to run away, but he has to be there, _Beomgyu is there_.

A sudden wave of sadness hits him, memories of a certain love one he loved so much, the only person who valued him as a person, who loved him as a boy, a memory of losing the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

_“I’m so sorry sir, she couldn’t make it.”_

It rings, it stings, it _hurts._

He clasped a hand on his ears, the ringing was making him deaf, eyes wide and trembling, lips quivering. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, after all this time, he can’t help but to feel so _vulnerable_ upon remembering those moments. He just loves her, unlike all the people who left them as a child, she did not give up on him, she supported him, she took care of him, she was there when he was supposed to have _no one._

_Taehyun…_

Taehyun felt tears welling up in his eyes, he can’t control himself at this point, it was hard staying strong, it was hard to pretend you’re okay, it’s hard to pretend to show an expressionless face. All he wanted, is to be able to express it all, to be able to let everyone know how _dejected and unlucky he can be._

Yet, he decided not to, _who would care? Who would be there for him? Who---_

“Taehyun! Are you okay?!” Soobin shouted, holding onto the now _sobbing_ boy, Taehyun was then finally snapped out of it. Taehyun stared at the now worried older, lips quivering even more, “Tae… tell me, what’s wrong? You’re hyperventilating, are you having a panic attack? Should I---”

“N-No need hyung, I-I’m so sorry if… You guys have to see me… like that.” Taehyun said, breathless and full of regret, he felt so weak. Soobin’s face became softer, the ones squinting eyes were now full of sadness as he stared at his fragile figure, he leaned forward, placing his head on his shoulder, making sure to let Taehyun feel the comfort he needed. He can tell, the boy has gone through a lot, Soobin is a silent observer, he can tell it immediately when something is wrong.

As soon as he saw Taehyun trembling, he took action, the other two boys are on the same situation, feeling tense and fear engulfs them. Soobin has to take action on Taehyun, he was literally having a panic attack, he also noticed how Taehyun felt so tense upon entering the hospital.

It should be related on being here.

“Do you want to go home? Taehyun, are you scared of going here?” Soobin asked worriedly, he was now beside the younger, rubbing his back in a soothing manner, Taehyun just hugged himself, he shook his head. Soobin sighed, he does not want to ask Taehyun what’s wrong, the boy might not want to talk about it, but in his surprise, Taehyun spoke up.

“I-I’m sorry if you guys…have to see me breakdown like that, it was unnecessary…” he apologized, hugging himself tighter, continuing to speak, “M-My mom… was taken here in this hospital… she _died_ here. S-She… She’s the only one I had despite being lonely at school, the one who greeted me every time I go home…”

It was dead silent, Yeonjun was fazed, Kai was looking over Taehyun’s direction with a worried expression, Soobin hugged Taehyun tighter, the hallways they are in felt so tense. Taehyun has a lot of questions in mind, he knew something is wrong, the moment Beomgyu’s eyes that evening.

He closed his eyes, feeling drowsy, there was comfort surrounding him, a warmth hug of a person with a bigger frame, it was so _soothing and relaxing._ There was something with Soobin’s hug, reassurance, a message containing---

_He’s not alone._

He smiled softly, drifting to sleep, he was tired, tired of everything, tired of what’s happening, but he was glad, glad that he has someone to rely on. He was swallowed by the darkness, finally entering dreamland.

* * *

_“…minor… we formed… scan… awake…”_

_“thank you…doc…”_

An inaudible conversation ringed in his ear, he was drowsy and now fluttering his eyes open, for he had enough rest. His eyes stings after all the crying, he slowly sat up, his sight was still fuzzy. He took notice on his position; he was laying down by the waiting bench. He glanced at Yeonjun, who was standing after he had a conversation with the doctor. The oldest noticed the younger’s consciousness, and smiled, “How’s your sleep?” he asked.

Taehyun immediately sat up, flushed and embarrassed, “I-I’m sorry if I---”

Yeonjun snickered, he rolled his eyes, “You don’t have to apologize, you seem to be the type of person who will always apologize even if it isn’t their fault.” the pink-haired boy said, smiling as he ruffled Taehyun’s brown hair. Taehyun looked over to his side to see Kai, he furrowed his eyebrows and looked around if ever he can spot the taller male.

“Soobin-hyung left by the way, he decided to buy dinner for us, it’s actually getting late.” Kai said, Taehyun remained quiet, rubbing his eyes, his lips forming a little pout. He looked at Yeonjun, who has his arms crossed, a question suddenly lingered in Taehyun’s mind, his mouth hangs open, a sudden lump forming in his throat.

Should he ask? Will he be able to carry the truth? The truth that has been hidden away from him? That’s what he felt, after all. He gulped.

“Is he… okay?”

Yeonjun looked at him by the corner of his eye, his face stayed expressionless, he looked away with a shrug, “H-His condition, based by what the doctor said… is getting a bit worse…” he said, biting his lower lip instinctively. Taehyun blinked, his eyes slowly squinting, that was exactly what the doctor said back then to his mother, _a bit._

How can such a _‘little’_ thing can bring a bigger outcome?

“ _Just a bit?_ ” he asked, a hint of fear evident in his tone of voice, the three boys just remained quiet. Yeonjun looked upwards, closing his eyes to stop himself from tearing up, he knew what Taehyun meant, the disease Beomgyu has… unlike any disease that is _curable,_ his isn’t.

Beomgyu is slipping day by day, every hour, in every minute. Yeonjun can’t stop it, a tear jerked off from his eyes. He doesn’t want to believe it, Beomgyu’s time is coming soon, he just wishes that his brother can still live a bit longer, he wishes that he could be there all the time. _Stupid exams, stupid school._ He hated not being there, he hated the fact he can’t guide the younger all the time.

Beomgyu was always on someone’s family, instead of theirs. Their parents are heavily packed, desperate to have money, for Beomgyu’s _surgeries_. He has been very close to his dad, so he kept in contact with them, he witnessed all their break downs at night, saying how stressed and tired they are, but he understands, they were all doing it for his little brother.

Beomgyu grew up in a loving family, two loving families that accepted and took care of him so much, he deserved it as much as how he deserves to live.

Yeonjun went to sit down, palming his face in distress. Taehyun noticed it, and just sat back by the white-painted walls, he doesn’t want to go home, he wants to be there for Beomgyu. In just almost two months, he experienced a lot of happiness, he gained more friends, he had a new home, a new family. Beomgyu, _Beomgyu was behind all of it_.

As much as he wanted to repay him, the reason for their closure was the only thing he can pay back. The _Wishlist_.

He wanted for Beomgyu to experience more happiness in his life, to be able to carry it within him as he go--- _if he ever goes._

He hopes that Beomgyu won’t be leaving sooner.

In the corner of his eye, he saw the taller male, carrying some take outs for them to eat, he saw how tired they are with their frowning faces, head down in sadness. Soobin hated the negativity the three is experiencing, “Guys, let’s head to the hospital’s cafeteria… you guys need to eat.” He spoke. The three silently stood up, and followed the taller.

Despite being younger than Yeonjun, he acts like he was years older. Soobin has always been independent and mature, in their little circle of friends, even when it was just the four of them, he was the _leader_. He would lead them, support them, and will be there for them. In a short amount of time, Taehyun felt the boy’s comfort and sincerity, unlike him, he was strong and reliable.

Taehyun then thought about it, can he be someone’s comfort person? Can he be as reliable as Soobin? Or as extroverted as Yeonjun or Kai? _Or be as happy as Beomgyu, despite everything that happened_.

Taehyun can only sigh.

Soobin looked over the pink-haired male, “How’s the CT scan? I'm sorry that I'm sort of late, there was a lot of customers.” He asked, the four then shortly made it to the not-so-crowded cafeteria, Taehyun scrunched his nose. The hospital’s cafeteria still smells so much like medicine, he couldn’t focus eating here.

“It was a minor concussion, he still bled a lot, he is resting now…” Yeonjun said, his voice of woe as they all sat in the table. Taehyun looked at the older, he wanted to ask a lot, he is Beomgyu’s brother after all, he can tell that he knows a lot about his condition. His thoughts were interrupted when Soobin started giving out the food, he took the small cartoon box that contained Soobin’s order.

He doesn’t want to really waste Soobin’s dinner, but being in the hospital made him lost his appetite, he gulped nervously. He took a deep breath, regretting it after, it smelled so _disgusting_. With a displeased look, he stood up immediately, and looked at Soobin, “C-Can I eat it later hyung…? Really, thank you for this but… I have no appetite for now…”

Upon hearing his excuse, Soobin gave him a reassured smile, “It’s okay, but please eat later?”

“I will, thank you… hyung… I’ll just be outside… I sort of needed fresh air…”

“You are free to go.” And with that last statement, Taehyun smiled and bowed, taking his leave, his walk was stiff, it was uncomfortable being inside, he felt shivers down his spine. He then passed by the entrance-exit door, the air-conditioned that surrounded him for a while slowly melts after taking a step outside, a much more natural wind engulfing his body.

It was night, the stars are nowhere to be seen, some stars are twinkling, but it disappears at each glimmer. He can only sigh out, leaning back the wall, his head down low, closing his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

A voice from beside him made him shriek in surprise, the person just chuckled seeing his reaction, “Sorry to scare you like that, I sort of lost my appetite as well, the hospital smelled disgusting.” A voice of male, a familiar snicker left his mouth, and Taehyun immediately knew who it was. He then opened his eyes, his eyes glancing at the sky, his neck went upward. There was that question again. it has been lingering in his mind after the current incident.

“ _Kai…_ can I ask something? About… Beomgyu’s condition?” he asked the boy, the taller now has his attention to him, “What is it?”

Taehyun continued staring at the stars, face unreadable, “What’s… Beomgyu’s illness?” he asked, his face twitched, eyes furrowed, his face displayed a scowl. Kai, was then taken aback, but he at least expected it, he knows Taehyun was feeling a bit… _out of place_ with the situation. He was just a recent friend, he _knows_ him, he had seen him.

The four of them used to be in the same school, until Yeonjun went to college, Soobin just graduated as well, him and Beomgyu shares the same class. With his and Taehyun’s class having the same schedule in gym, he frequently sees him.

Beomgyu, right. _Just thinking about it, it was like in an instant, I feel so down._ He thought, he sighed out, “Beomgyu’s illness… is _very_ complicated. He told us that he was diagnosed with it when he was still in 3rd grade, he said he had a _seizure._ ” He said, his head jerked up, he was then staring at the empty black blanket of the night, stars barely blinking. Taehyun looked over at Kai by the corner of his eye, his head lowered.

“Is it related to… epilepsy perhaps?”

Kai went silent, but he silently smiled, instead of joy, it was full of sadness. Taehyun’s caught the hint, and his face fell into a sorrowful frown. The other also now has his head lowered, he crossed his arms as the wind of the night visited them like an old ghost, forcing a wave of shivers running down in their spine. “It's like epilepsy as of what I've understood? I have a little idea about it... I also heard that it has _no_ cure, It’s… something related to his bones and nerves? Since it causes _deformity_ and those _things_ … ah _shit,_ I don’t want to talk about it even further…”

A uncurable condition.

Taehyun’s heart ached upon hearing it, Beomgyu’s life has always been _timed,_ he was slowly slipping away before he knew it. How? How can a full-spirited boy like him can experience such painful illness almost all his life?

_“W-What?”_

_“Beomgyu! Are you okay?!”_

_“I-I can’t feel them… my legs…”_

_“Beomgyu… y-you’re bleeding… BEOMGYU!”_

“Taehyun…” Kai called out Taehyun, cutting off his thoughts, “Can you actually… tell me what exactly happened?”

_Ah, right in the moment._ Taehyun thought, with a bitter smile, he told him the story.

_Taehyun spotted the brown - haired male, his movements were rushed, the sudden walk-out made him worried. What was the walk-out all about? It was just a duet, nothing big of a problem, so why did Beomgyu left?_

_“Beomgyu!” Taehyun called out, Beomgyu stopped by the male’s bathroom door, it was empty, Beomgyu looked back, face red, eyes wide, the boy was so flustered. His body jerked up to stand straight, displaying an awkward grin. “H-Hey Taehyun! Why did you follow me?”_

_“You worried me there! Is there something wrong?” Taehyun asked, Beomgyu’s grin suddenly changed into a forced one, Taehyun might’ve noticed it._

_“I’m really fine… don’t worry! Sorry for worrying you, I just got---”_

_Beomgyu turned around, and the next thing they knew, he suddenly fell with a_ thud, _Taehyun widened his eyes, his body froze, taken aback at what happened. Beomgyu looked up with a wince, eyes shaking as he looked down. His hand made its way to caress his legs, the poor boy was shaking, he looked so terrified. He then tried to move them, but his legs were_ limp.

_“W-What?” Beomgyu blurted out after a mere silence. Taehyun gulped, and finally went closer to Beomgyu, “Beomgyu! Are you okay?!” he asked with full worry. He tried making Beomgyu stood up, but for some reason, the other’s legs won’t move an_ inch. _Taehyun held Beomgyu’s hand, it was shaking so bad, it was cold too. Beomgyu was on full panic, shaking his head repeatively._

_“N-No… I can’t feel them… M-My legs…” he said, Taehyun widened his eyes when he saw a familiar crimson color trailing down from Beomgyu’s head, slowly, Beomgyu’s eyes fluttered close, his body began to feel heavier. Taehyun widened his eyes, catching the limping body before it could land on the floor, now colored with fading red._

_Taehyun stared at him, it felt like an illusion, as it flickers to a different scene, a familiar woman around in her mid-30s showed up by a second, limp but eyes wide, Taehyun's eyes got wider. He was hallucinating for a second. He shook his head, tears starting to well up._

He fell with a thud, by his head… Fuck.

_Taehyun stood up, running to get the other boys, his heart racing like crazy, the familiar adrenaline rush came from his accelerating feet, engulfing his body each second. He reached the karaoke room, opening the door, catching his breath like he ran a mile._

“… and then, it led us here…” Taehyun said, his hands now on his pocket. Kai was frowning, his hands formed a fist, he groaned. Taehyun’s face just fell even more, anxiously biting his lip, with each passing second, he feared for Beomgyu’s life.

Why? Out of all people?

How can it be Beomgyu out of all people?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are highly appreciated! We still have a long way ahead :) I know I update everyday, it's because the chapters are on my drafts for so long now :)
> 
> edit: I just saw some mistakes so I fixed them, I apologize!


End file.
